T-9 Sex positions

Q: "Hello. I’m a paraplegic from t-9 down and I have some sensation. I also have rods in my spine. My question is, what are the safest sex positions? I’ve been concerned about this as I have a new boyfriend."

A: Thanks for your question! First I am not a doctor, so you should also discuss this with your Doctor especially in regards to the rods in your spine. However. I do have a few tips that could help. I always like to suggest that people think of which position they feel the most comfortable in that not necessarily sexual. Do you naturally like laying on your back, or maybe your side? Then with that information, learn to adapt your most comfortable positions into sexual positions! Be open-minded, sex can look a multitude of ways and it’s all up to you and your new boyfriend to get creative and think about what is gonna work best for both of you. Also, there are awesome props you can get such as pillows, swings, the Liberator for example is an amazing pillow to help you feel comfortable in different positions. So the basic idea is to work with what your body can do instead of trying to do what it can’t. I hope that helps!

Exploring your newly disabled body with your partner

Q: Since becoming disabled, I've been having a hard time accepting my changing body and its limitations. This has impacted my sex life, making it pretty much nonexistent, despite newly living with my partner. What are some ways I can help myself feel desirable again and initiate sex with my non-disabled partner who doesn't always fully understand my mobility issues?

A: Thanks for your question. It is completely understandable that you feel uncertain about intimacy with your new body. Here are some tips to get you and your partner connected to your body again! First, go at your own pace. This is not a race! If on some days, weeks, or longer, you don’t feel like exploring intimacy - honor that and focus on other things that make you feel good. The other big thing is communicating! Talk to your partner about what you are going through and what feelings it brings up for you. It is not only good to be on the same page, but it lets your partner know it is not about them when you don’t feel like being intimate. When you are open to exploring, one of the suggestions I have is just letting your partner feel your body, what feels good and what doesn’t. This is not sexual but more intimate and a way for your partner to become familiar with how your body works. Lastly, explore and don’t be afraid to laugh off things that don’t work and keep trying new things that do. Often when stuff does not work it gives you an idea of what might work instead. Hope these tips help!

Talking about bladder control with potential partners

Q: "I have a spinal cord injury and as a result have no bladder control, which becomes a big source of personal anxiety anticipating potential intimate encounters. I do not use a personal mobility aid, so there's less physical marker of disability, which makes any conversation or experiences a surprise for potential partners. Any tips on how to bring up the bladder control issue before entering the bedroom, communication tips if there's leakage during, and products to make the experience less messy/more pleasant?"

A: Thanks for this question. I know this is a sensitive topic and not an easy one to bring up with potential partners. I would say before you get intimate sit down with them and discuss all aspects of what you like in bed and what could happen. Talking about it in a matter of fact way helps the other person feel more comfortable. Talking about what your partner likes in bed and whatever else might come up also helps shift the focus from being only about you to being about your potential experiences together. This conversation beforehand will help you communicate if it happens during sex, and just be open laughing it off, cause all sex is messy! As for products to make the experience better, putting a towel under you will help your anxiety about possible leakage. Also, hospital pads are a great and cheap way to minimize mess as you can just throw them away afterward.